A Christmas Joke

Paparamdam lang po ang inyong Lolo. Di pa po tapos ang aming lipat pero malapit na malapit na.

Napulot ko lang ito sa aking email at nais ko lang kayong bigyan ng konting ngiti sa kabila ng bilis ng takbo ng araw papalapit sa Pasko.

Only 23 days till Christmas…… Here’s your first Joke!!
2009’s First Christmas Joke

Three  men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at  the pearly gates.‘In honour of this holy season’  Saint Peter said,  ‘You must each possess something  that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven.’

The  first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a  lighter. He flicked it on. ‘It represents a candle’, he  said.

You may pass through the pearly  gates’ Saint Peter said.


The  second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of  keys. He shook them and said, ‘They’re  bells.’

Saint Peter said ‘You may pass through the  pearly gates’.

The third man started searching  desperately through his pockets and  finally pulled  out a pair of women’s panties.

St. Peter looked at  the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, ‘ And just what do those symbolize?’

The man  replied, ‘These are Carols.’

Kaya…Maging Mabait ngayong darating na Pasko…magbaon ng magagandang bagay sa ating bulsa o sa ating Puso…para mapagkalooban ng lubos na kasiyahan….yun ang Heaven na Kasayahan!
And  So The Christmas Season Begins……
Maligayang Pasko Po sa inyong lahat!

Making A Baby – Very Funny

Teka medyo hinga muna tayo ng malalim at masyado tayong seryoso ng mga ilang araw. Isang masayang  istorya po ito galing sa aking email kanina.

baby1

Making a baby. This is hilarious!

There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny!–

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to
use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the
proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife
goodbye and said, ‘Well, I’m off now. The man should
be here soon.’

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a
sale. ‘Good morning, Ma’am’, he said,
‘I’ve come to…’

‘Oh, no need to explain,’ Mrs. Smith cut in,
embarrassed, ‘I’ve been expecting you.’

‘Have you really?’ said the photographer.
‘Well, that’s good. Did you know babies are my
specialty?’

‘Well that’s what my husband and I had hoped.
Please come in and have a seat !.

After a moment she asked, blushing, ‘Well, where do we
start?’

‘Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the
bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed.
spread out there.’

‘Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn’t
work our for Harry and me!”

‘Well, Ma’am, none of us can guarantee a good one
every time.. But if we try several different positions and I
shoot from six or seven angles, I’m sure you’ll be
pleased with the results.’

‘My, that’s a lot!’, gasped Mrs. Smith.

‘Ma’am, in my line of work a man has to take his
time. I’d love to be In and out in five minutes, but
I’m sure you’d be disappointed with that.’

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‘Don’t I know it,’ said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a
portfolio of his baby pictures. ‘This was done on the
top of a bus,’ he said.

‘Oh, my God!’ Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her
throat.

‘And these twins turned out exceptionally well – when
you consider their mother was so difficult to work

‘She was difficult?’ asked Mrs. Smith.

‘Yes, I’m afraid so. I finally had to take her to
the park to get the job done right. People were crowding
around four and five deep to get a good look’

baby3

‘Four and five deep?’ said Mrs. Smith, her eyes
wide with amazement.

‘Yes’, the photographer replied. ‘And for more
than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing
and yelling – I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness
approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the
squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack
it all in.’

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. ‘Do you mean they actually
chewed on your, uh….equipment?’

‘It’s true, Ma’am, yes.. Well, if you’re
ready, I’ll set-up my tripod and we can get to work
right away.’

Tripod?

‘Oh yes, Ma’am. I need to use a tripod to rest my
Canon on. It’s much too big to be held in the hand very
long.’

Mrs. Smith fainted.

Ano bang moral lesson mga kaibigan?

– – – – – – – – – – –

Someday gusto ko ring maging baby photographer.

—-Baby Pictures courtesy of  allbabypics.com.

Pinoy Business Names

Teka medyo smile muna tayo…nagiging seryus na ang ating usapan.

Mula ito sa aking email na natanggap kanina.

Ako man nung nasa Pilipinas pa ay napapasaya ako ng mga Pinoy stayl na pagpangalan ng kanilang bisnes.

Top Pinoy Business Names…
1.Parlor in San Juan is named: “Cut & Face”.
2. Wholesaler of balut in Sto.Tomas, Batangas:
“Starduck”.
3. My brother’s party needs business: “Balloon-Balloonan”.
4. Internet cafe opened among squatters
named: “Cafe Pindot”. (Is there a Café Pisilnearby?)
5. In Manila , there’s a laundry named:
“Summa Cum Laundry”.
6. A store selling fresh chicken, owned
by woman named Dina: “Dina FreshChicken”.
7.A pet shop in Kamuning: “Pakita Mo Pet Mo”.
8. Bakery: “Bread Pit“.
9. Bank in Alabang: “Alabank”.
10. Restaurant in Pampanga named: “Mekeni
Rogers”
11. Restaurant in Pasig : “Johnny’s
Fried Chicken: The ‘Fried’ of Marikina “
.
12. A tombstone maker in Antipolo: “Lito
Lapida”
.
13. A copy center in Sikatuna Village called:
“Pakopya ni Edgar”.
14. Salon: “Hair Do t Comb”.
15. A goto restaurant: “Goto Ko Pa !”
16. Internet cafe in Taguig named, n@kopi@.
17. Name of a kambingan, “Sa Goat Kita”.
18. Laundry shop: “Wash Your Problem”.
19. A lugawan in Sta. Maria, Bulacan: “Gee Congee
20.. A bakery: “Anak Ng Tinapay”.
21. A store selling feeds for chickens:Robocock“.
22.Shoe repair in Marikina : “Dr. Shoe-Bago”.
23. Shoe repair store along Commonwealth Ave ’s ad:, “SHOEPERMAN: we will HEEL you, save your SOLE,
and even DYE for you”
.
24. Petshop: “Petness First”
25. Flower shop: “Susan’s Roses”.
(I heard there’s another florist nearby whose store is named “Petal Attraction”)
26. Taxicab: “Income Taxi”.
27. A 2nd hand watch store: “2nd Time Around”.
28. A squid stall in a wet market: “Pusit to the Limit”.
29. A barbershop in Cagayan de Oro: “Pinoy Big Barber”.
30. Panaderia: “Trimonay Bakeshop”.
31. A ceiling installer: ” Kisame Street “..
32. A car repair shop: “Bangga ka ‘day?”
33. An aquatic pet store in Malolos: “Fish Be With You”.
34. Neighborhood pizza store: “Pizza Hot”.
35. A beauty salon: “Saudia Hairlines”.

36. This mobile massage business name isn’t funny, but their slogan is: “Asian Mobile Massage Service: Massage
only, God is watching”.